A Corellian Smuggler and Other Tales

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Baggy Update

My Baggy

So by now I'm sure everyone knows that my old roommate Katie stole my cat, Bagheera. Well he lives in Oregon now with one of her really lame friends. I found this picture of him on Facebook, and its exciting to see that he's all big now. I miss him, and I would imagine that he and Mulder would be good friends. I want to get another black cat one day.

I guess its for the better that I don't have anything to remind me about my life in Lafayette. I keep having really weird dreams about I don't like it. Its like I'm just kicking myself for putting up with bullshit for so long. I'm embarrassed that I dated someone like that. EMBARRASSED. I've never said anything like that before. I'm still good friends with Ryan, and was always cool with Tim after we broke up, but golly gee, I have so many negative waves towards Eric. I think that it makes me look dumb to have put up with that for so long. And there's no way I will ever by eloquent enough to truly express how I feel. Embarrassed is a diet word for what I really feel. Ashamed? Unlucky? 20 and extremely dumb? A waste of 2 years? I'll never know.

I just can't thank my lucky stars enough for Mark. He's pretty perfect in every way. I've seen or talked to him everyday since February 18th, and still going strong. I trust him, he does nice things, and probably the greatest thing is that he doesn't have a terrible reputation. He's just the right person for me, and I can't believe it took me 22 years to find him.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Delusionoids

I hate 'em! Here are pictures of kittens to help me calm down. Ugh. I feel like I only blog when I am upset. I can't even begin to explain about this delusionoid pair that keeps popping up. They really should be together.

Fox Mulder, one of the loves of my life.

I hope you are doing okay, Bagheera.

Monday, October 18, 2010

Condessions of a Complete Inconsiderate: A Dating History

I heard a song this morning by a band, of which I personally know the girl who is married to the lead singer. (Side note that this girl is absolute long blonde hair artistic perfection). They've been together for YEARS, since at least 2003. I can't imagine having the maturity to be with someone since that young. In 2003, I had still not had a boyfriend. And with all of the winners I've dated, I'm breathing a huge sigh of relief that I'm not with any of them for specifically tailored reasons to each of them. Thinking about who I used to be, I can't imagine why anyone would want to even stay friends with me....and they didn't, I have almost no friends from who I used to be.

I've always been so caught up in my own head, making up things in my own head, and taking on other people's problems to dangerously consuming levels. I guess I've always felt that I wasn't good enough, or too good, or a multitude of reasons why I never was one of those cool girls I looked up to.

I've never put someone else first, and I think its the time to start.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

I look like a homeless person with no makeup just getting out of the beds.

Lately.

I start my new job on Monday. I am really excited.

I’ve been laying low because lots of things have been making me upset, and I figure the best thing is to ignore them, so I don’t get myself worked up.

I feel pretty underappreciated by everyone except Mark, my parents, his parents, and Aubrey.

Been sick lately..way too much.

Really want to be exuberant again.

I get my stuff and barely make my plane back to the United States... I no longer know who I am and I feel like the ghost of a total stranger.