From Hell We Must Sail.

• Everything was going really stupid in my life.
• Things are no longer stupid, but in fact completely awesome. I'm going to California in 20 days. I get to have In-And-Out burger for the first time! I'm going to wear a bikini in February! I get to see all of the friends I never get to see!
• I am so happy with the way things are going. I'm working out, I'm eating well, I have a laptop now, I got a new phone, I got a new journal. Trey sold me some comic books that are keeping my attention all too well. I am reading some great books. My friends are amazing, supportive, and always willing to make a fun time. 
• "It's about sharing life experiences, happiness is just a perk."
• 2012, I'm excited.

Hail to the Queen, baby. 

Don't Think Twice, It's Alright

One of my friends explained this 'unique girls that are not unique' conundrum that I've been dealing with to me last night. He said guys like girls with shitty tattoos and giant ears because they are easy. Period. He said no one really wants to take one of those girls home to their mother. And knowing that heavily tattooed people are all a little batty (his words) that he wouldn't want someone like that in an LTR anymore like he thought he did.

This makes me feel so much better about this. It's not that my self-esteem has been decimated, but man, sometimes when something is so illogical, it will drive you to drink. Basically when people tell you over and over that they are intimidated by you and that's why you don't deserve to be talked to, or given another chance, but that some little boring "unique" tart is totally awesome.

I used to think school wasn't awesome, and that learning was a hitch in my giddyup, (sorry, been in Central Indiana far too long), but guess what? I was fucking boring during that time. It wasn't until I honed a voracious appetite for learning that I started to feel great about myself, this was in 2009, when I started my blogs, when everything changed, when I became deeply confident in myself. I don't like being jarred from that stance, and it makes me really sad when people blame me about it.  

guilty pleasures

Well, I've officially lost 20 pounds since August. I'm really proud of myself because I was seriously not enjoying the way I looked. Halloween was successful, two people knew who I was besides "weird butterfly girl."

Being lonely is one of those really weird things. Sometimes I love it, and I can dance to stupid music in my underwear, but sometimes I just want like a hug. Pillows cannot hug you back!

I've been spending lots of time with Haley & Megan, and I'm super glad I have them as friends. No dramz. We also all like dancing to "Fuck The Pain Away." Missing Mulder really hard, sometimes I wish I could get some kitty snugs. Luckily, he's doing really well at Mark's because there is a dog there, and he loves dogs.

Throughout all the hard stuff, I really feel great, and I hope to either get a dietetic internship or ship myself to grad school. I can do this!

I want to go to a party like the Metro Station 'Control' video.

Lately.

I start my new job on Monday. I am really excited.

I’ve been laying low because lots of things have been making me upset, and I figure the best thing is to ignore them, so I don’t get myself worked up.

I feel pretty underappreciated by everyone except Mark, my parents, his parents, and Aubrey.

Been sick lately..way too much.

Really want to be exuberant again.

I get my stuff and barely make my plane back to the United States... I no longer know who I am and I feel like the ghost of a total stranger.

The weekend and beyond

Can't wait to see more Ash Ford!

Can't wait to live in the same building as my Aub!

Mark's nephew is the cutest babeh.

I love Mark Pritchard more than any dumb words can describe.

Sweet disposition

Had a wonderful time on Saturday with Des (@Art_Deco_Dame) and Jess (@MissJessH) at the Bluefin Bistro. Wonderful sushi was had, in addition to my first good Bluefin experience.

The job search is wearing me out. I am either over qualified or not qualified enough. Its so easy to spot scam jobs though. I've been keeping a list of everything I've applied for, but this whole experience is scary. I'm looking to start a career, yet Purdue hasn't prepared me at all. Do you change your resume for each job? I don't know! I feel like they were just willing to take my money, while not giving me the best collegiate experience available.

I'm watching 500 Days of Summer and loving life. Woke up next to the most beautiful man this morning, and I'll get to see him again tomorrow. We cooked like a cute little married couple last night. Amazing food. Cannot ask for more.

The Amazing Spiderman

Everything is going extremely well. I'm still on track to graduate within the next two weeks. I can't wait to do this. Every time I kiss Mark, I fall in love with him a little more. I can't imagine finding anyone more perfect for me than he is. Getting to go to Bloomington to meet all his friends was wonderful, and I feel pretty accepted. Nothing makes me happier than waking up with him, eating cereal, feeding Winnie pop-tart corners, and then nerding out.

I haven't had the time to hang out with anyone lately, and I'm sorry. I want to hang out, but school needs to be finished, and now my car can't leave the county under penalty of not having a car anymore.

I also have realized that I am completely over bars/getting drunk, and would rather sit home and read on most days than feel like crap the next morning. I don't think its me growing up, my liver just can't handle a party these days. Super lame. Like I've always said, I'm just not cool.


Every time I find a stray eyelash, I make the same wish on it.

Somebody Told Me

Not that I've been self-depreciating in a while, but I just realised that I would rather eat spicy wings and Indian food than cut myself or drink myself into a stupor.

Really not looking forward to tomorrow. Playing a show with Green Room Rockers, and I hope someone would have the tact not to start shit.

Week.

I'm well-seasoned, if you couldn't tell.

I think this week redeemed my karma.

Damn the man, Save the empire!

Heaven is for easy girls.

I am Jack's smirking revenge

“I am both happy and sad at the same time, and I’m still trying to figure out how that could be.”
— Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower