I will never be defeated. I am the fire and life incarnate, now and forever- I am Phoenix.

Don't Think Twice, It's Alright

One of my friends explained this 'unique girls that are not unique' conundrum that I've been dealing with to me last night. He said guys like girls with shitty tattoos and giant ears because they are easy. Period. He said no one really wants to take one of those girls home to their mother. And knowing that heavily tattooed people are all a little batty (his words) that he wouldn't want someone like that in an LTR anymore like he thought he did.

This makes me feel so much better about this. It's not that my self-esteem has been decimated, but man, sometimes when something is so illogical, it will drive you to drink. Basically when people tell you over and over that they are intimidated by you and that's why you don't deserve to be talked to, or given another chance, but that some little boring "unique" tart is totally awesome.

I used to think school wasn't awesome, and that learning was a hitch in my giddyup, (sorry, been in Central Indiana far too long), but guess what? I was fucking boring during that time. It wasn't until I honed a voracious appetite for learning that I started to feel great about myself, this was in 2009, when I started my blogs, when everything changed, when I became deeply confident in myself. I don't like being jarred from that stance, and it makes me really sad when people blame me about it.  

Look Back & Laugh

I can't believe I never even knew you...

Can I get any of you cunts a drink?

I really don't understand people, and um, yeah. I'm just going to keep being KP to the best of my abilities. Fuck all.

Not really sure if I want to go on vacation anymore. It's a dilly of a goddamn pickle.

guilty pleasures

Well, I've officially lost 20 pounds since August. I'm really proud of myself because I was seriously not enjoying the way I looked. Halloween was successful, two people knew who I was besides "weird butterfly girl."

Being lonely is one of those really weird things. Sometimes I love it, and I can dance to stupid music in my underwear, but sometimes I just want like a hug. Pillows cannot hug you back!

I've been spending lots of time with Haley & Megan, and I'm super glad I have them as friends. No dramz. We also all like dancing to "Fuck The Pain Away." Missing Mulder really hard, sometimes I wish I could get some kitty snugs. Luckily, he's doing really well at Mark's because there is a dog there, and he loves dogs.

Throughout all the hard stuff, I really feel great, and I hope to either get a dietetic internship or ship myself to grad school. I can do this!

Rules.

1. You put drama into my life, you will be removed.
2. Remember rule 1.
3. Everyone be cool.
4. Remember rule 1.

Money is the root of all evil.

Things I need to buy in the next two weeks:

back windshield replacement
mattress
GRE exam
new jeans and shirts
still pay all of my bills and rent and student loans

If I had lots of money, these wouldn't be issues. I have two jobs and can barely afford this stupid shit.