Babe Love

Mulder is so active, it's wearing me out! I haven't seen him like this since he was a kitten. He's already lost two pounds and at his perfect weight. I'm so proud of him. I'm so glad Nancy told me to make foil balls, now I just play fetch with him all day. 

I went to a wedding with Nikki yesterday and the Rathskellar. I didn't know these people, and I kind of teared up when they were getting married. I felt so lame. Met a lot of cool people, and got to dance a little bit. It's so cold outside, that I almost never want to leave, but I know it's good for me to continue getting out and even doing things that I don't want to do, like staying up until 2 on a Thursday. The weather is making me have wicked allergy attacks, I think just being cooped up in a small space and unsure of the purity of my heater's filter. Nothing I can't deal with. I realized that I'm able to put up with almost anything, and I have been putting up with almost everything for such a long time. I'm ready to nt just put up with things, but enjoy them, and enjoy the company of amazing people.

Weight wise, I fit back into my BCBG dress. It's even a little big. I have 15 more pounds to go. I'm so fucking excited about being back at my high school weight. I can't stand it! Too bad you can't choose what goes away, I've lost a lot of chestline. Whatever, I'm just so glad I'm not fat and comfortable anymore. This is more like me, it makes me feel so much better about myself. I'm thinking of doing a cleanse soon, but I'm not sure if my will power is ready to be tested like that.

From Hell We Must Sail.

• Everything was going really stupid in my life.
• Things are no longer stupid, but in fact completely awesome. I'm going to California in 20 days. I get to have In-And-Out burger for the first time! I'm going to wear a bikini in February! I get to see all of the friends I never get to see!
• I am so happy with the way things are going. I'm working out, I'm eating well, I have a laptop now, I got a new phone, I got a new journal. Trey sold me some comic books that are keeping my attention all too well. I am reading some great books. My friends are amazing, supportive, and always willing to make a fun time. 
• "It's about sharing life experiences, happiness is just a perk."
• 2012, I'm excited.

Hail to the Queen, baby. 

I will never be defeated. I am the fire and life incarnate, now and forever- I am Phoenix.

Don't Think Twice, It's Alright

One of my friends explained this 'unique girls that are not unique' conundrum that I've been dealing with to me last night. He said guys like girls with shitty tattoos and giant ears because they are easy. Period. He said no one really wants to take one of those girls home to their mother. And knowing that heavily tattooed people are all a little batty (his words) that he wouldn't want someone like that in an LTR anymore like he thought he did.

This makes me feel so much better about this. It's not that my self-esteem has been decimated, but man, sometimes when something is so illogical, it will drive you to drink. Basically when people tell you over and over that they are intimidated by you and that's why you don't deserve to be talked to, or given another chance, but that some little boring "unique" tart is totally awesome.

I used to think school wasn't awesome, and that learning was a hitch in my giddyup, (sorry, been in Central Indiana far too long), but guess what? I was fucking boring during that time. It wasn't until I honed a voracious appetite for learning that I started to feel great about myself, this was in 2009, when I started my blogs, when everything changed, when I became deeply confident in myself. I don't like being jarred from that stance, and it makes me really sad when people blame me about it.  

Look Back & Laugh

I can't believe I never even knew you...

Can I get any of you cunts a drink?

I really don't understand people, and um, yeah. I'm just going to keep being KP to the best of my abilities. Fuck all.

Not really sure if I want to go on vacation anymore. It's a dilly of a goddamn pickle.

guilty pleasures

Well, I've officially lost 20 pounds since August. I'm really proud of myself because I was seriously not enjoying the way I looked. Halloween was successful, two people knew who I was besides "weird butterfly girl."

Being lonely is one of those really weird things. Sometimes I love it, and I can dance to stupid music in my underwear, but sometimes I just want like a hug. Pillows cannot hug you back!

I've been spending lots of time with Haley & Megan, and I'm super glad I have them as friends. No dramz. We also all like dancing to "Fuck The Pain Away." Missing Mulder really hard, sometimes I wish I could get some kitty snugs. Luckily, he's doing really well at Mark's because there is a dog there, and he loves dogs.

Throughout all the hard stuff, I really feel great, and I hope to either get a dietetic internship or ship myself to grad school. I can do this!