Blue Album

I don’t post much original content anymore. That’s pretty sad and lazy, right? I sure think so. It’s so easy to be brain dead and reblog post after post. It’s a wonderful way to wind down after work. Well, that and Netflix. And eating salami. I did submit a post over at Shotgun Reviews, and you can read it here.  My coworker created the site, and I’m lucky to have been able to submit something. I’ve met and networked with so many amazing people over the years I’ve gotten active on the Internet. I’ve always been a fan of sharing books and movies, but I feel in the past four years I’ve been really able to share knowledge. My lunchtable discussions at work have shown me that there is so much that I have yet to see, and I almost feel like I’ve been too scared to admit that.

After watching SLC Punk recently, I do feel like the person I used to be would hate the person I am now, but not because she was embarrassed. I don’t feel like I’ve changed to unrecognizable proportions, I still claim that the song “Brown Eyed Girl” is annoying, but not so secretly would probably be flattered if that song meant something to someone. I don’t have weird hair, I don’t wear flamboyant clothes, I’ve settled in to being me. When I was 18, all I wanted to do was move into downtown Chicago, or Bucktown, or the Ukrainian Village. Why? I had no plans for work, or how I’d get around. I wanted to go to punk shows. I’ve realized that it’s not places that hold magic, most places are the same no matter how many buildings, expressways, or hot dogs stands there are. It’s about making the most of yourself wherever you are. Think back to all of those times you wanted to pick up and get out. If you don’t have a plan, you might as well be perpetually in the suburbs in your childhood room calling your mom to make you a sandwich. (You know moms love to mom you and make sandwiches. They always make them the tastiest way possible.)

I’m 2 minutes away from making it through my first full 25 year old day. I’m ready to cut the crap and be realistic, for once. Remember when I was going to be in a girl punk band? Remember when going to Art School sounded like the coolest idea in the world? Yeah, me too. I’ve realized that there is really nothing I can’t handle if I plan. I’m not a perpetual teenage dirtbag. I worked really hard to not only get a piece of paper that says I could wake up and attend enough classes to pass, but that I strived to learn some things while I was educating myself in the middle of a corn field. (There is more than corn in Indiana, but it surrounds everything, ps.) Saying that you would go back to high school for a do-over means that you learned something. I can laugh at my mistakes now, because I learned from them.

In the past four years, I’ve met the most talented, interesting people, and I hope to continue this. Thanks for helping me grow as a person. 

I really like this picture. I've lost like 30 pounds and I feel great.

No one reads this blog. Indy has offered me nothing for almost a year now.

Babe Love

Mulder is so active, it's wearing me out! I haven't seen him like this since he was a kitten. He's already lost two pounds and at his perfect weight. I'm so proud of him. I'm so glad Nancy told me to make foil balls, now I just play fetch with him all day. 

I went to a wedding with Nikki yesterday and the Rathskellar. I didn't know these people, and I kind of teared up when they were getting married. I felt so lame. Met a lot of cool people, and got to dance a little bit. It's so cold outside, that I almost never want to leave, but I know it's good for me to continue getting out and even doing things that I don't want to do, like staying up until 2 on a Thursday. The weather is making me have wicked allergy attacks, I think just being cooped up in a small space and unsure of the purity of my heater's filter. Nothing I can't deal with. I realized that I'm able to put up with almost anything, and I have been putting up with almost everything for such a long time. I'm ready to nt just put up with things, but enjoy them, and enjoy the company of amazing people.

Weight wise, I fit back into my BCBG dress. It's even a little big. I have 15 more pounds to go. I'm so fucking excited about being back at my high school weight. I can't stand it! Too bad you can't choose what goes away, I've lost a lot of chestline. Whatever, I'm just so glad I'm not fat and comfortable anymore. This is more like me, it makes me feel so much better about myself. I'm thinking of doing a cleanse soon, but I'm not sure if my will power is ready to be tested like that.

From Hell We Must Sail.

• Everything was going really stupid in my life.
• Things are no longer stupid, but in fact completely awesome. I'm going to California in 20 days. I get to have In-And-Out burger for the first time! I'm going to wear a bikini in February! I get to see all of the friends I never get to see!
• I am so happy with the way things are going. I'm working out, I'm eating well, I have a laptop now, I got a new phone, I got a new journal. Trey sold me some comic books that are keeping my attention all too well. I am reading some great books. My friends are amazing, supportive, and always willing to make a fun time. 
• "It's about sharing life experiences, happiness is just a perk."
• 2012, I'm excited.

Hail to the Queen, baby. 

I will never be defeated. I am the fire and life incarnate, now and forever- I am Phoenix.

Don't Think Twice, It's Alright

One of my friends explained this 'unique girls that are not unique' conundrum that I've been dealing with to me last night. He said guys like girls with shitty tattoos and giant ears because they are easy. Period. He said no one really wants to take one of those girls home to their mother. And knowing that heavily tattooed people are all a little batty (his words) that he wouldn't want someone like that in an LTR anymore like he thought he did.

This makes me feel so much better about this. It's not that my self-esteem has been decimated, but man, sometimes when something is so illogical, it will drive you to drink. Basically when people tell you over and over that they are intimidated by you and that's why you don't deserve to be talked to, or given another chance, but that some little boring "unique" tart is totally awesome.

I used to think school wasn't awesome, and that learning was a hitch in my giddyup, (sorry, been in Central Indiana far too long), but guess what? I was fucking boring during that time. It wasn't until I honed a voracious appetite for learning that I started to feel great about myself, this was in 2009, when I started my blogs, when everything changed, when I became deeply confident in myself. I don't like being jarred from that stance, and it makes me really sad when people blame me about it.  

Look Back & Laugh

I can't believe I never even knew you...